Meeting Samuel

So!  I imagine most of you have read or heard in some way or another that we've been chosen by a birth parent for adoption.  Woohoo!  We haven't shared details with very many people yet, but I wanted to share them with you all to keep you in the loop and so you can pray for us.  [There are lots of details]

Normally, the way this process works, is a pregnant woman around the middle of her pregnancy approaches the agency and shows interest in adoption.  She then "makes an adoption plan" and selects an adoptive family from the list of approved families with the agency.  Typically, the birth mother and adoptive family will meet once or twice, and then when the baby is born, the birth mother terminates her parental rights, and the baby goes home with the adoptive family.  In Virginia there is a 10-day revocation period where a birth parent that has terminated their rights can change their mind, and the baby will be returned to them.

Now, almost 100% of the time, the birth father is not in the picture.  Often the birth mother doesn't know who he is, or she may be out of contact with him.  It is the agencies responsibility to try to contact him, by sending a letter to his last known address, and by posting a notification in the newspaper.  If he does not respond within a given time, his rights are terminated automatically.

So, that brings us here...  On Friday, we got a call from our adoption agent, Jamie.  Jamie told me that we had been chosen, but not by a birth mother, by a birth father.  In this rare case, the birth mother hid the pregnancy from the birth father until she was over 8.5 months through, and then when the baby was born, she did not name the father, and she did not involve or inform him in any way.  Now, thankfully for the birth father, Mark, in Virginia there is a state registry for men who believe they have fathered a child, but are not currently involved with the child's mother.  So, Mark registered for this program, and after the baby was born, he was contacted by Bethany (our adoption agency).  

Mark assumed the role of responsible parent, and in the stead of the completely absent birth mother, spent hours looking at profiles of adoptive families before very emphatically choosing us.  As it were, he is Lebanese and my Arabic knowledge caught his eye.  So, last Monday (I think), he terminated his parental rights.  On Thursday evening he chose us, and Friday around noon we got the call.

Now, a little bit more about the baby.  Erica, the birth mother, gave birth to a baby boy on September 30th.  He was 6lb 12oz and 21in long.  Erica was severely anemic, and when baby boy was born, it was believed that he shared this anemia.  He had 3 blood transfusions, and was discharged from the hospital on October 15th.  Erica signed the necessary paperwork and dropped off the radar with the minimum amount of involvement possible.  Since discharge the baby boy, named Samuel Cole by the hospital staff, has been living with an interim foster family associated with Bethany.  These families normally watch babies between the date that parents terminate their rights, through the 10-day revocation period.  

Miraculously, Samuel was the name that we had picked out months ago for our next baby boy!  Hearing that his name was Samuel has made us feel that much more strongly that this is God's plan.  Samuel had a visit with a hematologist this past Friday, and the specialist believes that he is not, in fact, anemic.  Rather, Samuel and Erica had opposing rH factors in their blood, so her blood would not allow his to regenerate cells naturally.  Now that he's out and metabolizing his own food, etc., he is doing just fine.  No need for medication, just a formula with Iron to be safe.

So!  What has happened since Friday?  After an excited conversation, Chelsie and I decided to move forward with this plan, and we scheduled a meeting with Mark, at his request, this past Sunday.  We also scheduled a meeting with little Samuel!  Of course the meeting with Mark was daunting and terrifying to say the least, as it was still within his rights to revoke his termination of parental rights, or to choose another family.  The adoption workers believed that he was confident in his decision, and not likely to change his mind.  We met with him and the adoption worker at the Bethany office in Richmond.

Mark, actually Merwan, is a first-generation American born to Lebanese immigrants, and has lived in Richmond his whole life.  He is young, likely around our age, and works at his family's business; a specialty doughnut shop.  He proudly announced that his shop was rated #3 in all of Richmond, and that all of their doughnuts are handmade.  He is athletic and enjoyed playing football, soccer, wrestling, and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.  He nervously asked us somewhat predictable questions about our background, our families, my work, and our parenting style.  Perhaps most importantly to him, he asked me to speak with him in Arabic.  As a born and raised American, he cannot read or write Arabic, and only speaks and understand "kitchen" Arabic that was spoken around his home.  Still, we were able to communicate fine, and when he left he told the adoption worker that it was really special for him and meant a lot to him that Samuel would have exposure to the Arabic language and culture.  Mark is sad and having a difficult time with the process, but strongly believes that he is acting in the best interest of Samuel.  We will provide letters and pictures to Mark every month, and plan reunion visits every 6 months for the first few years of Samuel's life, and whatever we believe is best for Samuel after that.

Shortly after our meeting with Mark a minivan drove up, and an extremely nice lady opened up the side door and extracted a reluctantly sleepy bundle of baby from his car seat.  Chelsie swooped in and scooped him up immediately.  He is all eyeballs and fingers and loves to accidentally look at everything!  Samuel is a delightful baby and the interim care mother said that the hospital staff cried when he was discharged (and she did the same).  Chelsie and I, Jackson and Cambria, and Ryan and Hillary spent about an hour and a half with him, just hanging out and spending some time.  Chelsie fed him, the kids gave him some toys, and I changed a poopy diaper.  Typical.  It's so easy to forget how tiny they are at this age!  

Interestingly, Mark expressed some interest in contributing to Samuel's name, and we happily agreed to incorporate his chosen name.  Samuel Merwan was placed permanently with us this evening, Wednesday, October 27, 2010 at 5pm.  We enjoyed a short ceremony with the interim care family and the adoption agent in Richmond, and now we are back home with big brother and sister in bed, and Samuel tucking in to his first bottle at home.  So wonderfully exciting!  There is much more ahead, but for now, our family is again complete.

Anyway, my hands are getting tired, and I think I've covered almost every conceivable detail.  If I've forgotten something, let me know and I'll expound.  If you've fallen asleep, and you drool on the keyboard and short out your computer, it's what you deserve.  :-p  But!  Needless to say, we're all ecstatic and so appreciative of your prayers and support.  God is amazing.

We love you all immensely and are so excited about this next chapter of our lives!

Love,

James, Chelsie, Jackson, Cambria, and Samuel

(P.S. Because my hands were tired I made Cambria type the last three paragraphs, so all the blame for typos goes to her)

We are being shown on Monday!

We just got word that our profile is being shown Monday, to a couple due October 1st!!! We are super excited at the possibility that this is our baby, but know that this is about God's timing:) We will keep you posted when we hear something..

In other news, I found new baby's homecoming outfit at Carters yesterday! Soon there will be a baby filling out this cuteness:)

Birth Parent Letter

 I just wanted to say a special thank you to all of our family and friends that have supported us and prayed for us as we go through this exciting and stressful time. We have completed all of our interviews with our social worker, Jamie, and have only the home inspection left, which is scheduled for next Tuesday.  She had told us she will mail our family profiles out on Wednesday, and expects us to be picked very quickly! We were told to prepare for our new baby before the end of the summer!!! I can't tell you how excited we are as we are about to meet our newest Wilkinson! We love you all!

 Dear Expectant Parent,

            Firstly, know three things that will never change; God loves you, we love you, and your baby loves you.  We love you for your bravery in making this impossible decision out of love for your child -this will never be forgotten.

            We are James and Chelsie and we love family!  We both come from big families, and met at church while participating in a high school ministry, eventually becoming best friends before dating, then marrying in 2005.  This friendship, and our bond in Christ, makes for an amazing foundation for our relationship and we continue to love each other more as we live our lives together. 

Chelsie's thoughts about James:

     The things that first attracted me to James when I was 15 are still some of my most favorite qualities! He's got an amazing sense of humor, is very intelligent and outgoing, and is extremely loving and affectionate towards his family. I knew he was a keeper all those years ago, and he still proves that to me daily. James is the most wonderful father I could have ever dreamed to give my children. He covers them with kisses and makes them laugh until they cannot breathe every night after coming home from work. They (and I) can't get enough of him! He is so tender with us, but at the same time is our rock and our leader. He really is my best friend and life together just gets better and better!

James' thoughts about Chelsie:

            I have never met someone so loving and compassionate as Chelsie.  She has taught me so much about these qualities, and she pours her whole soul into her relationships, especially with her family.   Chelsie grew up always wanting to be a mom, and proves day after day what an amazing mother she is, ensuring that our children and I feel loved and cared for at all times.  Chelsie's godly attitude sees the good in everything and everyone, and she lights up my life.

     

            We have two biological children, our 3-year old son Jackson, and our 2-year old daughter Cambria, who have taught us the meaning of love, patience, and trust.  They are our joy, and they are so excited to welcome another baby brother or sister into our family.  We also have a happy dog named Layla who loves people as much as we do.  Our favorite way to spend time is with family and friends, eating meals together, playing games, relaxing, and talking.  We love family road trips, as well as time spent working and playing around the house together. Our home is always filled with lots of laughter, music, and noise and we can't wait to add to that!

            Our family is built on the solid rock of Jesus Christ, and it is through Him that we understand true love as we try to follow his example in loving one another.  Just as God has adopted us into His family, we want to adopt a child to love unconditionally and to raise into a good, well-rounded, Christian member of our family and society.  We feel that our adopted baby's life will start with an amazing story of love on your part, and we intend to continue to love them and always openly remind them of your sacrifice and the selfless plan that you made for them.

            One of the aspects of adoption that we find so exciting is the introduction and incorporation of a new background, and possibly culture, heritage, or race into our family, and the opportunity to learn and share that background.

            We cannot possibly understand the difficulty of the decision that you're making, but please understand that while we have not met you, we have been praying for you, loving you, and respecting your selfless sacrifice ever since we began this process.

Love,

James and Chelsie (and Jackson and Cambria)

Our Family Profile!

It's finally done! Here are some pictures so you can get an idea what the birth parents will look at:)

We're Expecting!!! Baby Wilkinson #3 is on the Way!

   " And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me." Matt 18:5

Jesus- the most famous adoptee ever:)

     Through much thought, discussion, research, and prayers, we have decided to expand our family through the Domestic Infant Adoption Program at Bethany Christian Services. As you can imagine, we are completely thrilled about this and excited to finally be able to tell our family and friends! 

     Adoption has always been a dream of mine(Chelsie) ever since I was a little girl, watching the Baby Story and Adoption Story shows on TLC.. We were blessed to get pregnant on our own twice, and I love being a mommy. While I was still pregnant with Cambria, our Pediatric Cardiologist informed us that there is a strong genetic factor to Jackson's heart defect, which increases our chances of having another heart baby by as much as 40%! Praise God that Cambria's heart is perfectly healthy, but we decided on tubal ligation at the time of my c-section as a permanent form of birth control. Ever since we dated, James and I both talked about our love of being a part of large families, and our desire to have at least 4 or 5 children ourselves. The more I read and learn about adoption, the more excited I get. This is God's will for our lives, and He really does answer prayers and give us the desires of our heart! Here are some illuminating and interesting points about adoption that I borrowed from a fellow transracial adoptive family's blog:

•   "According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway, in 1995, there were over 10 million women in the U.S. who had considered adoption. Of those 10 million, only 1.6 million had ever taken steps toward an adoption. However, only 437,000 women had ever adopted. EVER! That’s just 1.3 percent of the original 10 million!

• Compare that to the fact that around 100,000-200,000 domestic children, age newborn-18 need adopting each year. A large number of these children wind up in the state foster care system. Obviously, it is a myth that there are no children available for adoption here in the U.S.
• Furthermore, in some parts of the country, about 50% of newborns placed for adoption are white, with the other 50% consisting of every other race or mixture of races. In other parts of the country, about 50% are African-American, with the other 50% consisting of every other race or mixture of races.
• Based on my research and experience, about 70-80% of people applying to adopt are Caucasian, seeking Caucasian infants. VERY few people are of other races, or are open to any race and older ages. Sadly, there is such a need for adoptive parents for African-American specifically, that many agencies and organizations offer grants and discounts for this race in order to help lower-income people afford adoption.
• Obviously, when you do the numbers, they show a shortage of adoptive parents and an abundance of races other than Caucasian, as well as an abundance of children older than the infant stage.
• It is a sad state of affairs we are in. In fact, with the current economic “crisis,” recent numbers are showing a drastic increase in children of all ages being placed for adoption. Biological parents are hurting, they are scared, and they may desire something different or “better” for their children. They want help. Unfortunately, worldly lies have influenced many to believe that abortion is a quick solution to a “problem.” In fact, between 1 and 2 MILLION abortions are performed every year. And I won’t even begin to get into the statistics of the poor women who wind up suffering emotionally and physically after an abortion.
• We have also learned that, contrary to popular belief, many women who abort truly feel there is no other option and later have many regrets, while most women who place their babies for adoption truly love their babies. However, some women have a desire to finish school, some feel incapable of parenting, some have no support system in place (which any parent needs!), some may have dreams for their child that they feel they cannot provide, some may feel a threat to their life or welfare if they keep the baby, some may already have a child or children and fear they can’t afford or handle another, some may be pregnant by rape, realizing that the baby is an innocent victim as well, and some may be battling an addiction that they just can’t overcome enough to parent. Think of it this way: no matter how messed up her life or priorities may seem to an outsider, she loved her baby enough to give it life! Furthermore, many women love their babies so much that they don’t want the child to be caught in the red tape of the state social system, and therefore choose to use a private individual adoption, private agency, or lawyer, where, in most cases today, the biological mother can actually choose the people/family she desires to parent her baby."

     At our intake interview today, our social worker Jamie, informed us that they only have 1 other couple in the entire state of Virginia that's open to a child of any race. So if a birth mother were to walk in the door right then, they'd have to get out-of-state profiles together to show her! Also, of the 3 sample family profiles (the book of family info and pictures they show birth parents) she let us look at, 2 said that they'd except any race BUT African American! That blew my mind and broke my heart..
     So we are officially in the Home Study part of the process right now which involves lots and lots of paperwork, Dr's appointments, background checks, and interviews. We should be finished with it in about 2-3 months, and that's when our family profile will be circulated to all of the Bethany offices here in Virginia. Because we are so open to a lot of things, Jamie tells us we should be matched in 6 months or less after that!!! Jackson and Cambria are very excited about our new family member, and we are praying for him/her and the birth mom daily. We are so happy and nervous at the same time, as there are so many more unknowns than being pregnant myself; but we have the peace of knowing we are in God's will and He will bring us the child we are meant to have, just as He did with Jackson and Cambria!
      Thank you for loving our family, and for your support and prayers.. they mean everything to us! Also, prayers for the financial aspect would be appreciated. James has been picking up as many long hours at work as possible, and we are hoping to pay with as much cash as we can. We will also be applying for grants and adoption loans once our Home Study is approved, and I am confident it will all be worked out. If anyone has any questions, just let me know in the comment box and I will answer as best I can. and I will leave you with some cute pictures of the kids, enjoying our last few months as a family of 4!

 

Jackson's favorite toys are all of my cooking utensils.. I can never find a spatula when I need one now:)

On our way to an indoor water park= so fun!!!

My sick girl:( we are all still recovering from feverish cough colds..

Valentine's Day Deliciousness and Snow Day Shenanigans

     So for Valentine's Day this year, in keeping with my New Year's resolution, I decided to recreate Jim's favorite meal from Cheesecake Factory(our favorite restaurant ever!): Steak Diane with roasted asparagus, and garlic mashed potatoes. It was a total success! I wouldn't be so motivated to cook every night, but for all the wonderful feedback from loved ones, but ESPECIALLY my husband:) I love you James! 

     

     I also loved doing it because it was the first time ever that I got to set our food on fire, en flambe style.. He surprised me with a long desired set of cookware that I've been coveting for years, and some beautiful red roses.. It was a great day:)

     The kids were feeling especially photogenic today, so here are some of those pictures: 

  

  

     There is still A LOT of snow and ice on the ground and in the streets from our back to back blizzards, and 32inches of snow.. It's a giant weather shock for this California girl, and I can't wait for the spring! I'm very much looking forward to being able to play outside again, and we signed Jackson up for soccer in April.. He is extremely excited and tells everyone and anyone that "I'm three so I can play soccer, but not Cambria, she's too little!" This is especially adorable since Cambria outweighs him by almost a full pound now:) I love them the most..

Oh the Weather Outside is Frightful..

    

     So what better activity then to stay indoors and cook?! My New Year's resolution this year was inspired by the movie Julie and Julia. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's about a woman who decides to cook her way through Julia Child's cookbook in a year, then blog about it. My resolution isn't quite as ambitious, but I want to cook more adventurously and be more creative with my menu planning. Also, along with that, I want to entertain at home more and eat out waaaaay less! So far it's a win win for saving money, spending more time with friends, and improving my cooking/baking skills:) Here are the fruits of my labor for the last couple days.. Shrimp stir fry with coconut curry sauce and snow peas over jasmine rice was a big hit! I especially love it because it reminded me so much of my favorite dish from The Cheesecake Factory, Bang Bang Chicken and Shrimp, and I'm positive it was much healthier.. (I looked up the nutrition facts, and will never be able to enjoy it again now that I know it has OVER 2000 calories!!! yikes!)

Today we got 6 inches of snow and counting, which equals perfect baking weather! I'm pretty sure I love the smell of the yeast, and the rolls baking, just as much as eating cinnamon rolls themselves:)

Jackson, and Cambria adore helping me cook and I hope it's a skill and a love I can pass on to them,  just like my Dad gave to me. Love you Daddy, and thank you for all of my glorious cook books! I predict many blog post dedicated to food in the future:)